I'm gay and I'm marrying a woman | MR GUO'S STORY

"I will get married with my fiancee this year," said Mr Guo, a 27 year old gay man from Nanjing in China.

Neither the bride nor her family know his sexual orientation. They met each other on a blind date and six months later they decided to marry each other.

"She is 25 now but still single, which made her family really anxious. They think she will soon be too old to meet another guy who will want to marry her. So I guess I kind of helped her in some way," he explained.

Mr Guo thinks that it is necessary for him to marry someone of the opposite sex. According to him, it is his duty to have a child and carry on his family line, although he doesn’t like the idea of having sex with any woman. His parents agree with him by introducing the girl who now became his fiancee.

'he feels it is his duty to have a child...although he doesn’t like the idea of having sex with any woman'

"I’m not sure if my parents know I’m gay. I mean, I did try to come out eight years ago, but they never take this seriously. They still think that I would be ‘fine’ if I had sex with a girl." Then he added: "Anyway, whether I am or not gay, I will get married and have a child. That’s our tradition."

Mr Guo has once considered having a ‘marriage of convenience’* with his lesbian friend. However, the negotiation broke down when he claimed that a child is required in this marriage.

"She totally freaked out when she heard about this, although I explained we can have a child by artificial insemination instead of having sex. Yes, I understand that pregnancy is hard for a woman, but why would I bother to get married if I won’t have a child?"

He and his family both refused the idea of adopting children, for ‘it’s children of somebody else and we want a kid of myself’. As surrogacy is still illegal in China and they can’t afford the black market price, marriage is now their only choice.

"I guess now you think that I’m sucked, but I am not that kind of person, I’m not a woman-hater."

'Anyway, whether I am gay or not, I will get married and have a child. That’s our tradition.’

He then showed a series of hate speech against women from gay groups on social media. A large number of these speeches blame their sufferings on women, thinking they are born inferior and they don’t deserve care or love from a man, all they should do is take care of the family.

Guo said: "These people also make me sick. I’m not one of them, I don’t hate women, I love my mother and female friends. After getting married, I will take care of her and our future family. I will be a reliable and responsible husband and father, one of the best she ever known. The only difference is that I am gay but I don’t think that matters. After all, marriage is about supporting each other all lifelong. You can’t ‘fall in love’ with each other all lifelong, can you?"

However, he admitted that he would have affair after getting married. In his opinion, it is unfair for a man to control his basic physical needs, but he would have safe sex for the good of himself and his future wife.

"Come on," he said, "every man has an affair. You are a girl, you don’t understand, that’s natural. Your boyfriend have affair, your husband have affair, your father have affair. They are just clever enough to not let you know."

Meanwhile, when talking about his fiancee, it seems different to him.

"Well...logically, yes, she has the right having affair, if man do, woman either. I think so." He answered, frowning, "but I can’t say that I would agree. She is my wife, I don’t want her having affair with anybody else. If she do, don’t let me know, because I will be really, really upset."

He barely talked about same-sex marriage. For him, it seems to be something far off, irrelevant to his life.

"That’s good," he said. "That’s their right. They should be capable of get married if they want to. But I’m not an celebrity nor an law expert, I can’t do anything for this. Besides, I don’t think I will marry my boyfriend even if the same-sex marriage is legal. How can I have a child if I marry him?"

* Marriage of convenience - Getting married to each other as compromise and/or a cover up of their sexuality